


was i in it?

by alltears



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Dorks in Love, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Kinda, M/M, Nightmares, Not a lot of angst, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 14:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11487891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alltears/pseuds/alltears
Summary: Being a District Leader in a failed district is hard. Being alone when surrounded by people is hard. The days get long.





	was i in it?

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey hey! this fic was so fun to write, just because it made me all smiley at the end. it takes place a week or two after BOM ends, so most people are adjusted/adjusting easily to the lack of rules. elder mckinley has basically come to terms with his sexuality, and kevin is aware of it but still worried about what repercussions will come from it. pov is really both of them. hope you enjoy!

It was a long day.

 

Life was  _ only  _ long days in Uganda, at least to Connor. He was overjoyed when he got the position of District Leader, especially since he wasn’t exactly…  _ favored  _ among the Church’s higher-ups. But he never realized just how stressful it would be. The Ugandan people were so reluctant to listen to their preaching before Elder Cunningham ( _ Arnold _ , he reminded himself) arrived, and as District Leader, he was the one to point fingers at. It’s not like he could complain. That’s what Connor signed up for.

 

_ You asked for this. _

 

Connor winced as the thought came into his head. He sighed, trying to focus on the movie playing in front of him. Tuesday night was movie night for the missionaries (plus Nabulungi, when Arnold wasn’t visiting her and Mafala like he was tonight), but Connor was the only one still lingering in the common room. Despite being so drained, it was hard for him to sleep. Since Elder Price -  _ Kevin  _ \- came into his world, the Hell Dreams got spookier, and his heart felt heavier. At least Kevin was nice to look at. 

 

Connor sighed and fumbled for the remote. Sleeping probably wouldn’t happen tonight, but he could maybe read one of the books that Nabulungi dropped off when she gave him Mulan. He felt a childish twinge of guilt at turning off the film right in the middle of “A Girl Worth Fighting For”. 

 

Turns out, when you’re trying to avoid your own thoughts, complete silence is problematic. He tried to busy himself with arranging the movies in front of the DVD player, stacking them by color, and then by title, and finally by best soundtrack to worst soundtrack. Connor huffed after a moment.

 

“What are you doing, McKinley?” He muttered to himself. Connor stood, cleared his throat, and brushed imaginary dust off his shirt before exiting to the hallway. The carpeting in the hallway was an ugly orange, stained numerously over the many years that Latter Day Saints have been shipped off to Africa. Loosening his tie, Connor glared at the floor. He’d have the clean it tomorrow. No, not tomorrow, tomorrow was blocked off entirely for team-bonding. Thursday wasn’t free, either, because him and Arnold needed to inform everyone of the newest additions to the Book of Arnold.  _ Poptarts does owe me one for not telling Church about his little crush. Perhaps he could do it.  _

 

“Please, no!”

 

Connor stopped. He listened for another cry, balling up his tie and stuffing it in his pocket. When he heard nothing further, Connor continued to his office with a frown. He’d only taken a few more steps before the muffled voice yelped again. He glanced around the hall, his eyes landing on the room across from his. Slowly, he approached the door. He knocked lightly, hoping not to disrupt anyone sleeping in case his exhausted brain was simply making things up. No response. 

 

Realistically, Connor probably should’ve just turned away and spent the rest of the night debating drinking coffee or not like he planned. However, his gut was telling him to do the opposite. 

 

“Please be okay, please be okay…” Connor pushed open the creaky door, whispering the mantra under his breath. He squinted into the dark room until he spotted something trembling and mumbling on the one bed that wasn’t empty. Connor flicked on the light, wincing as the full picture came together.

 

Kevin was most definitely having a nightmare. Or a Hell Dream, which Connor hoped wasn’t the case. The fluorescent lights illuminated the tears streaking down Kevin’s face as he slept, and Connor’s throat felt suddenly tight. He hesitated in the doorframe for a moment, before shutting the door as softly as he could. Connor stepped over to the beds and sat down on Arnold’s. 

 

“Kevin,” Connor started, trying to talk loud enough to wake his friend, but not loud enough to wake his  _ other  _ friends. “C’mon, Kev, wake up,” He shook Kevin’s shoulder lightly until Kevin stirred.

 

“Wha- Connor?” He slurred, moving away from Connor’s reach in panic, his breathing labored. Connor jerked his hand back once he noticed Kevin’s slight disdain. Correcting his posture, Connor smiled sympathetically at him. Kevin shrank back towards the drywall as the memory of his dreams came back to him, and he rushed to wipe the tears off his blotchy face.

 

“Kevin, it’s alright. We all have Hell Dreams. There’s no need to feel ashamed. We’re friends,” Connor said supportively. Kevin’s eyes darted around the room, avoiding Connor’s concerned gaze as he nodded. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

 

“Uh, no,” Kevin laughed dryly, still a little shaky from his nightmare. “How’d you know?”

 

“I’m the District Leader. It’s my job to know,” Connor winked. Instead of laughing like Connor expected - or at least hoped - Kevin blanched. Connor shifted on the bed slightly and cleared his throat. “Your, uh, your Hell Dream… Was I in it?”

 

Connor regretted asking as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Kevin grimaced, his face burning. He opened his mouth to come up with an excuse, but heck, Kevin was just  _ so tired  _ of lying. Throwing his thin blanket off his body, Kevin groaned.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, you were.” Kevin finally looked at Connor. “I’m sorry.”

 

“You don’t have to be sorry. Heck, you’re in mine,” Connor swallowed, hard, but refused to break the eye contact. Kevin’s eyes widened in shock, and he sat up to face Connor. Blushing, Connor corrected himself. “I shouldn’t say heck anymore, with Arnold’s new rules. Old habits die hard, I suppose. That’s probably why we still have Hell Dreams, huh?” Kevin just blinked at him.

 

“You have Hell Dreams about me?” He finally remarked. The corners of Connor’s mouth twitched. He cocked his head, amused. 

 

“Was that all you heard?” Kevin flushed again.

 

“I just thought I was the only one. Everyone moved on from the Church so fast…” Connor’s eyes softened, and he bumped Kevin’s knee with his.

 

“You aren’t alone in this, Kev. We’re in this together now, okay?” Kevin smiled at Connor. It was watery, sure, but Connor could tell it was sincere. “Well, my work here is done!” Connor grinned and stood up from Arnold’s lumpy mattress. Kevin’s eyes went wide again and he grabbed Connor’s hand with a sense of urgency. Having to look into Connor’s big, blue, kind eyes staring down at him curiously while explaining his actions was torture. 

 

“Sorry!” Kevin dropped Connor’s hand just as quickly as he took it, but Connor was quick to catch it, locking their fingers with an affectionate smile. “Stay?” 

 

Miraculously, Connor sat back down, taking Kevin’s other hand. Kevin could feel his hands getting clammy, yet Connor still gazed at Kevin like he was something beautiful. And then Kevin ruined it.

 

“Are you real?” If Kevin had a time machine, he wouldn’t bother going back to the 1800’s or the creation of America like most people. He would go back one minute and let Connor leave like he wanted to. To make matters worse, Connor immediately burst out laughing. If Kevin’s hands weren’t preoccupied, he would’ve face-palmed “Oh my gosh, why would I even- Oh!”

 

Okay, maybe he didn’t ruin things after all, because Connor’s lips were on his, and Connor’s fingers were in his hair, and Connor’s knees were on either side of him, and  _ Connor, Connor, Connor. _ Kevin sighed against Connor’s soft lips, grabbing his shirt collar to pull him infinitely closer. It was worth the self-doubt. It was worth the embarrassment. Heck, it was worth the Hell Dreams. And when they pulled away after what felt like hours, Kevin told him exactly that. He knew he’d gotten that part right when Connor pulled him into another kiss, one that escalated further than Heavenly Father would want it to.  _ But that doesn’t matter anymore _ , Kevin reminded himself.  _ All that matters is this.  _ All that matters is the boy that kisses him when his face is red and unattractive, when his shirt is buttoned incorrectly, when Kevin cries again because he’s just so happy. 

 

It was a new day - both figuratively  _ and  _ literally, according to Arnold’s Princess Leia (or was it General Leia?) alarm clock - and Kevin and Connor could finally get through it.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it! if you want, check out my musical tumblr @mendelrostova, my personal tumblr @alltears, or my stan twitter @SUNSHlNEBELLAMY! thanks so much for reading! kudos are great, comments make my day. oh, hell, they make my WEEK!


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